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Before I met my husband, I dated a bunch of not-nice guys.I peppered in a few nice guys here and there, but I think I was so insecure and unhappy at that time that I either drove those good guys away or grew bored of their niceness.

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Find a therapist if you need one, reach out for help from people other than him sometimes.

What I learned over time with Ivan was that even though he was my favorite source of comfort and solace, he couldn’t be my only resource for support.

He also helps little old ladies across the street, and I mean that literally.

What this means is that you’re going to have to get used to sharing him.

He’s not yours, you know, he’s his own man and he is probably going to spread his love to people other than you.

You can set boundaries of time that’s just for you two, and certainly it’s okay to set boundaries about how intimate his relationships are, but helping other people and spending time with them is part of who he is. Your genuinely nice guy is probably willing to stand by you through the worst of times, to be there the moment you’re hit with grief over a major loss, or to pick you up off the ground when you’re triggered from a past trauma.I was born into a family of ridiculously good looking men.Whenever my friends come to my house for the first time and see an old photograph of my dad as a young man, they’ll fawn over the photo and ask which actor it is.I didn’t see the pattern then, but once I met Ivan and chose to prioritize this genuinely sweet, caring person in my life, there were a few things I had to learn:—I’m not a super warm and cuddly person in real life.In fact, people have said that it can be hard to get to know me.Notice the anxiety that starts to come up when you feel peace, or when you feel vulnerable, and just recognize that it’s there. There are women who are genuinely nice, and sometimes their partners aren’t used to that and cause all sorts of problems, too.

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