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Americans worship money, and we all go to the same church, the church of ATM. Barack, man, he don't let his blackness sneak up on you. All my life I've been looking for God, and He's right in my pocket. And if you got less than twenty dollars, the machine won't even talk to you. I know that ain't that black here, but in America that's about as black as a name could get. But as soon as you hear "Barack Obama"..expect to see a brother with a spear! [sings and mimes playing bass] "Too hot ta trot, now, baby, too hot ta trot, bay-by!
You won't be able to take your eyes off the next four presenters: Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse.
My mother is the kind of woman you don't want to be in line behind at the supermarket. Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else. They have Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul judgin' the singin. Gettin' Paula Abdul to judge a singin' contest is like gettin' Christopher Reeve to judge a dance contest!
Chris Rock (Bigger and Blacker) Black people yelling "racism! So everybody bitching about how bad their people got it: nobody got it worse than the American Indian. Chris Rock (Bigger and Blacker) I'm watching the news Tupac Shakur was assassinated, Biggie Smalls assassinated, struck down by assassin's bullets no, they wasn't. Shit, I love Tupac, I love Biggie, but school will be open on their birthday. Every woman in here gets offered dick at least three times a week. That's right, every time a man's being nice to you all he's doing is offering dick.
Shit, you can drive a car with your feet if you want to, that don't make it a good fucking idea! " And the Indians ain't yelling shit, 'cause they dead.
A nigga will say some shit like, "I take care of my kids." You're supposed to, you dumb motherfucker!
Niggas that live next door to you break into your house, come over the next day and go, "I heard you got robbed." Nigga, you know you robbed me. A nigga will brag about some shit a normal man just does.
He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special. I hope that Live Earth ends global warming the same way the Live Aid ended world poverty. He ain't really old, just a little too old to be in the club.
They have Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul judging the singing. Getting Paula Abdul to judge a singing contest is like getting Christopher Reeve to judge a dance contest! Because you don't want to be the old guy in the club. Every club you go into, there's always some old guy.
You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon. We got so much food in America we're allergic to food.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating